Fuck that place. No way, never going there again. Nope. Nope. Nope. [intro music] Eugh. Eugh! Oh. Ooh! Oh, what is that? Ah! Oh, God, okay. Alright, okay. Oh, you’re big! Oh, what’re you?! Oh! Oh, what do I do? Oh, hey, hey! Ho ho, hey! Woah! Woah, hey, woah, woah, woah, woah, where, Woah x5 Woah! Okay! So that’s why I didn’t go around the other side of the ship Hot shiit! Oh, damn. Sorry, Jesums… Oh my goodness. What was that thing? It was big! It’s bigger than anything I’ve seen before. And ugly too! [yells] And right behind me- Oh, God, it is! Oh! Oh, frick! Ah shit! Is it coming for me?! Oh it’s coming for me, Is it?! Oh, God! What are you? What do you want? Go away! I don’t like you! [yells] Oh, God, evasive maneuvers! Oh, God!! Hi!!! Woah! Shit! Oh, God, it’s killing me! [screams] Oh God- [screams] [yelling] Running away as fast as I can! Oh God! This is bad! [silence] Oh! Goodness gracious, no no no no. Stay away from those. Look at the size of these things! These are like giant Reapers! Sort of. He’s got a skull– no no no, let’s just go this way. Let’s avoid those things. No no, let’s avoid those- hey! [yells] Oh jeez he– he can– He’s hurting me! He’s breaking my ship! How do I get out of this? No! [yelling] What? Oh, oh, oh! Go! Just- [yells] 13 percent! No, no! Stop it! Let go of my ship! [yells] Stop! Oh no! No! No! No! No, I can’t! Oh geez, just go! Just go! [yelling] I think it took my ship! I’ve got three percent health. This is bad. Just go up to the surface go up to the surface. Just go, just go, just go. I’ve lost everything! This is so not cool! I’m swimming home. I don’t even know what just happened. I lost– I lost my scooter and my submarine all at once. Okay, I’m not going back to that ship for a very. Long. Time. Whoa, another one! Whoa, stay away! Stay away, stay away! He’s coming right for us! (SURPRISE, MOTHAFUCKA!)
AAAH! NO! NO WAY! NO! (stammering) That’s all, folks!
(Ahh… Ya hit me with the classics.) No! No! Oh, my god. What is that!? It just spawned right in front of me! Alright, let’s go! …No! No, no, no, no. It didn’t even look at me. No, hang on. HANG ON!
(Chill, dude!) No. No no no, it’s not interested in me. Holy crap! NO! NOOOO!
(Okay, NOW you can panic.) NOOOOOOOO! So we just (unintelligible) It just made me poo myself! Oh my God, I’m staying in here, and I’m not leaving! Where is it? Where is it? No! It’s literally right– AAAH! (panicking) Where am I? Why the heck– Why is everything goin’ so weird!? What? Aw, bro, he killed us! (sigh) I mean, the calmness of the waves, then– They don’t feel calm anymore. They may as well be rough FREAKIN’ tides and I DON’T care anymore!
(He cares immensely.) Huge pieces of scrap now, everywhere, and there’s just– (ominous Leviathan roar)
Uh-oh. Ohh, that sounds really– Ohh, that sounds really– (GASP) OH! OH! OHH! NO! Oh God, what is that? Oh, my G– Okay? Um, is that the Leviathan or whatever the– Oh my god, that is horrifying. Okay. No, no no no no no no no no no no! (stammers) I don’t know what to do! I’d– Am I supposed to knife it? I’ll fucking knife you! I-I don’t really know what else I can do to-to get rid of this thing. That is ffffucking horrifying. Oh my god, it’s like a demon. Oh god. I can see it– kind of see it. I don’t know if it’s– Augh… Oh, there’s more. I hear more screaming. (stammering) Is this just gonna be a normal mon that goes around?
(“Mon” is short for “monster”; see “Pokemon”) ‘Cuz I am not playing this game anymore if that’s gonna be fucking normal. I think it left me alo– AUGH! No, it didn’t leave me alone! Oh! Come on. Are you serious? (deadpan) “You died and lost some stuff.” You don’t say? I fucking died. I’m so surprised. How long IS this shit? Sh–
(Headphone users BEWARE) OHH MY GOSH! OHH! Oh… (LET’S SEE THAT IN SLOW-MO ‘CAUSE WHY NOT) Augh, I told you: Freaking water monsters… …freak. Me. Out. It’s not as big as I thought it was gonna be, but… Goodness gracious, we’re dead. We’re deeeeeaaaad. (laughing) We’re dead! How can I un-pause the game after that? Where can I go!? I have no weapon! I don’t know how to make weapons! All I have’s a freakin’ shank, man, and some people in the comment section said, “Oh, don’t worry… …They only come at night!” B R U H Yo, I can’t– I can’t un-pause the game, like– (scared laughter) I can’t do it! Just imagine yourself in the freaking ocean with water all sides of you, and you don’t have anything… …but a little sea-glide — y’know, it goes kind of fast — and this freaking HUGE freaking, Colossus monster… …just swims in front of you! And save it…
(HEADPHONE WARNING AGAIN) G– OHH MY GOOOSH! I got one health! I got one health! Gogogogogo go go go go go! Aw, he’s–! (sounds of fear and frustration) SWIM! GOOOO! (calm down bro it’s just a game) Go go go go gooo! Ohh! OHHH. (take a deep breath, breathe) All right, oh my god, what is that? What is that is that the thing? Hole oh my god no no no no no no no no no holy shit Holy hell no no no no no uh-uh no Dude What in fuck what in the fucking hell is that? What was that was it, holy fuck what is that thing? Oh geez oh no? Oh my fucking good What was that fucking thing Jesus Christ? That was scarier than any horror game Sally. You’re on your own over there by might not supposed to go here Whoa.good, holy fuck oh my god, what the hell is that thing? I’m gonna keep my eye on that thing Man that thing is long That’s what she said Wow let’s really thick nice rich No no way Fuck that place Fuck that place Fuck that place no way never going there again. Nope nope nope never going there again not once not ever Nope Whatever’s down there whatever cool tech might be down there It could stay down there it could Get wet in the goddamn. Hell that was the biggest besides the reef backs. That was the biggest fucking fish. I’ve ever seen It had like giant mandible claws on its face What in the shit was that? Fuck that fuck no way never again. Nope nope never going that direction ever again I’m getting real bad feelings Alright, we’re getting closer Why are all these little shark banks and sharks here Oh Is that you making that noise oh My god, I can’t hear that I can’t Seriously what is that? Oh? My gosh I’m flipping out oh My god no no no no oh I know I’m being a very dramatic Some big some big shit something things. Here’s. What was happening. I was hearing a growl oh Whoa I’m actually currently being attacked. I had to pause it. I just wanted to explore the ship. I need you son I Need you I could cry I could literally I could start crying. I can’t even attack it What kind of game doesn’t the only weapon I have is a little knife. I’m like shaky Yeah of my biggest fears in life I’m gonna try to get on his face, and I’m gonna posit so you can see him. I think that’s him down there Wait I just realized something no no that thing knocked me out of my boat Whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa? Whoa? Whoa see how I have a mask now. No because now I’m not now I’m out just a swimming swimming target that thing’s not gonna die with the knife. It won’t even feel it I Really, don’t know what to do. I’m scared. Will you come over here just? maneuver I’m – I’m Just put your hands, and I’ll keep my finger on the escape key, so we can keep pausing when things get rough Here you want the headphones so you can be fully immersed in the experience But I need you to get back in the end of in the submarine and then you need to drive away This is summer who doesn’t play video games playing okay? All right here. We go now some you got this you got this all right? He took my dip you know how long it took me to bib, so I’m gonna reload my last say before this happened That’s cheating that’s not cheating That’s that’s strategy, but I do want to see what what he’s doing and I want to kind of see his body more oh He took my damn summer I don’t know I’m screwed if I go back to my last save now are you just Okay We’re done, we’re done end of the video