Microsoft Sucks

Let me take you back to 2002 Online gaming for consoles was just starting to emerge You had the PS2 Network Adapter and you had Xbox Live Remember stupid ass Dark Master? I must have been like 12 years old when I got my Xbox I got Return to Castle Wolfenstein I got that old school headset and I’d get in there on Xbox Live and I’m like: Hey guys! Let’s go win the game, dude! And just a wave of angry douches descend on me like: Shut the fuck up you little gay ass you little fucking 6 year old little bitch shut up and I’m just sitting there with a big ass smile on my face like “This is amazing” And I loved Xbox Live as a kid playing Counter-Strike, MechAssault, Halo 2, Burnout 3, DOA I remember putting the stupid voice mask on and wack to sound like a robot It was a magical place where you could call some black dude in his thirties a “pee pee head” “Dude! They can hear me! And I can hear them!” “That’s the coolest thing about Xbox Live, the voice.” And you would just make friends with the most unlikely people that you would never meet in a hundred years in real life And I’ve met some of my oldest friends on Xbox Live, ya know, some of the funniest, most genuine people of all time Ya know maybe charging 50 bucks back in 2002 when the consumer didn’t know anything about that ya know, it was just coming out But, it’s 2015 now Ya know, things change We know now that it doesn’t cost shit to play games online We know you spend any money on the servers, or do any upkeep at all Xbox Live is essentially Microsoft taking money for doing absolutely nothing No other consoles were charging you money to play their games online, and yet, Xbox still did it the worst out of all three of them Gears of War, you guys remember this game was so inconsistent and laggy and host would always just clean house in that game And then over here you had PS3 with Resistance 2 Completely free-to-play online, and you had 60 players in a match, and it — it just worked beautifully And that was probably the moment where I was like: Okay, why are they still charging me for Xbox Live? But, Sony saw that you know, you could just get money for free so they said fuck it They pulled a complete 180 And now they charge you money to play PS4 online So thank you Microsoft Thank you for inspiring your competitors to sink to your level The original white Xbox 360 was a terrible piece of hardware Ya know, back in 2009 it was reported that 54% of them had broke down and that number has probably gone way up since then I remember i got the Red Ring back when, Blue Dragon came out I was so sad because that was pretty much the only thing I was doing was playing Xbox everyday And a shitload of 360s were getting Red Rings so Microsoft responded with this fake ass repair policy to save face claiming that they would extend warranties on older units to fix the Red Rings So, [Clears throat] what you had to do is you had to call support would ship you a box in like four weeks You had to put your Xbox in there ship it back to Microsoft and then a month later, they send you your Xbox back and it was still broken and [Chuckles] it was such a shitshow And I did this six times Six times I sent it back to Microsoft, and they sent it back broken every time and on my seventh attempt the guy on phone support tells me: “Oh I’m sorry sir, you’re no longer covered by the warranty.” So yeah, Microsoft’s actual response to every 360 breaking down was: Hey, buy this new black Xbox 360. This one actually works! Games for Windows Live is the single worst interface ever introduced in the history of PC gaming It was designed as a sick practical joke by the Nazis to troll gamers Now for this one I gotta take you back a couple years My Youtube channel was just starting to do good I was making some decent money off my videos So like a complete fucking idiot I signed a year long lease for this really expensive apartment And then the month I move in Youtube ads start paying 40% of what they were previously paying Not to mention you know, I Machinima taking a huge cut of that money “Sign here please.” “WELCOME TO MACHINIMA!” [Scream] So during that whole year I was just super stressed out Trying to make as videos as I could to make enough money to live off of and I was putting out, ya know, 8 to 9 videos a month So pretty much just back to back everyday, every hour working on videos And I was just looking to for any opportunity to make some extra money to pay this stupid enormous rent And Microsoft comes in with this deal they say: “Oh, okay. We’ll pay you 2 months rent if you make four videos for our new indie game we’re putting out.” So I email them and I say: “Okay, I’ll do it. What are the guidelines?” and they respond: “Oh just do whatever you want” So I make this and within 2 hours Microsoft takes down the video they cancel the deal with me and they don’t even pay me for that first video Now this is the knock out punch this is where Microsoft sums their entire purpose as a company into one single moment Valve was releasing a whole new set of maps for Left 4 Dead for free they were give you all the new maps for free Microsoft saw this and told them no you can’t do that because they didn’t like the precedent Valve was setting with the free DLC and they didn’t want other companies following in Valve’s example So, you had the maps for free on day one on PC and then 3 weeks later, you had them for $20 on Xbox You have to [Laughs] ask yourself What kind of human being would perpetrate such terrible, evil acts upon the gaming community? Ya know? Unless they weren’t people at all Think about it Xbox Live, the faulty hardware, Windows 8, 13 billion dollars worth of sand Microsoft is run by ANTS It’s run by ants DreamWorks, you guys know DreamWorks right Shrek, Madagascar, How to Train Your Dragon DreamWorks was actually founded by Microsoft’s own Paul Allen Do you guys recall what was DreamWorks’ first movie they put out? Oh wha-what was that? IT WAS ANTZ It was Antz ladies and gentlemen It was fucking Antz I rest my case

100 thoughts on “Microsoft Sucks

  1. My brother had the first 360 and it broke he sent it back to them and it took almost a year for him to get it back just for it to be broken.🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

  2. like it or not we have to pay to play online cuz the servers cost a shitload of money to keep them working we might not like but we have to do it

  3. How to lose customers and revenue: Make Online have a price. Good fucking idea, fucking geniuses, I am sure it's not gonna backfire.

  4. bro why all you guys attacking Microsoft for what Xbox was doing? Xbox is allowed to do their own thing all Microsoft does is say yes and no monitor what Xbox doing and give them money. i bet most of y'all are writing yo comments on windows pc's. you can say what you want about Xbox because i will still use my Xbox but you can't trash my bro bill gates like that man. he wasn't even the one who came up with the Xbox. all Microsoft does is help make the software using their own windows software and make it so the games can run on the software.

  5. Hey Dunk, hiya doin. Good? Good. Guess what you're gonna be saying four years from this video? Yep, the same thing. Because it'll be true then, just as it is now.

    Okay, bud, good seein ya, I'm heading back to the future.

  6. bro i remember getting red ring on the spiderman 3 mission where you first use the slingshot bruhhhh. my soul dropped. it was a weekend to and i couldnt do anything. They fixed mine on the first try and never got a red ring after that.

  7. Honestly, both Sony and Nintendo are just way better. They both started off without having to pay for online, and the game exclusives just knacked Microsoft out of the ring. Halo isn't the answer to everything. Nintendo has been absolutely outstanding these past years, as well as Sony, with very good exclusives. It always used to be XBOX VS PLAYSTATION, now I really think the big two are NINTENDO VS SONY.

  8. Hm we had to pay for Xbox live but psn on ps3 was free but wait a minute psn goes down and has been hacked way more times hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  9. Yeah it sucks paying 70 bucks a year for PS Plus… but the "free" games they give out are about 10 times better than the ones you used to get on Xbox Gold.
    For example: This month was Batman Arkham Knight and Darksiders 3.

  10. don't forget that Xbox is the pioneer of paid subscription, without that we would be playing online for free with our PS4's or Switches

  11. My 360 would red ring all the time, and I'd smack it like an old person smacking his tv, and it'd work again. Then the USB fucking fell out and the entire system died!

  12. Microsoft and Sony are the Big Bad Wolfs of the Gaming Industry they don't give Two Fucks about what Games we want Remastered all they Care about is Battle Royale and the Money they making off the Snowflake Generation!!!!

  13. and we are lucky that we atleast can play pc without having to buy the ability to play online
    imagine having to pay 20 dollars for microsoft live after say paying 1200 for a pc
    and i know windows live exists…
    but im talking about no online games whatsoever

  14. Wait hold up 5:37 Why do you have to ruin that gorgeous FF6 song with that trashy ass Left for Dead thats all they should've done just left it for dead 🥴

  15. oml, This guy is a fanboy. 2 Videos I found now on his channel that is just talking about the bad of Xbox but not the strong points of Xbox. Trash Channel Delete it, Also learn to get a pc not these trash Consoles.

  16. Wait a second
    so my brother isn't the only one who had their x box explode
    O shit that didn't to happen to any body but me….0o0f

  17. Bro…stop being such an idiot. We all have opinions, so keep them to yourself instead of making an uninteresting video about absolute garbage. Just stop being in it for the money. That's all you want though…so enjoy it! Because it don't sound like you enjoying this career. Stop dissing things you don't like, maybe you should diss your d*** size. because you know that it's small…

  18. I heavily use Microsofts products and have bought many things from them.
    I understand that microsoft suck and that a lot of otherthings sucks. So i you dont wanna pay for bullshit like this and spend like $1,000 on games for xbox and xbox live i'd just buy a PC because even though windows 10 isn't the greatest you dont have to pay for a steam account and halo is coming to PC so i'd switch over, Nintendo after 2015 isnt that good like the sonic games ar jack shit and the new mario games are just repeats and a boring story, get the girl. Not tryna hate on them but like PC master race
    Come on now
    PC master race. We have forged minecraft

  19. Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons was actually a good game considering it was made by 1 guy and assuming you played couch co-op to finish it.

  20. Why the fuck are you crying like a little bitch, get that horse dick out of your ass, so you can start thinking proparly for once and stop blame your fucking problems on others dumb fuck.

  21. I remember when i got the red ring of death. I never owned internet so i never knew that other people were being affected by this

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